What’s your Life Blueprint?

You can imagine my disbelief when my friend, who is embarking her motivational speaking career, told our friend group that she had never heard of Tony Robbins. Excuse me. What?!

When I was in high school, I discovered Pinterest. This was the beginning of my obsession with motivational quotes which translated into watching motivational videos on YouTube. I remember one of the first motivational speeches I watched on youtube; it was given by Tony Robbins. I remember watching this video and then watching all of his videos and thinking to myself that he truly had life figured out.

Fast-forward a few years and I’m listening to a podcast, called Earn Your Happy, where the hostess, Lori Harder, interviewed someone who was once one of Tony’s interns. Omg I thought. Tony Robbins!

So, the other day I was browsing YouTube jumping around between different TED Talks, and one of the suggested videos was one by Tony Robins that was titled change your life blueprint.

I swear I had seen this video before, but it still resonated with me so much. In Tony’s speech, he explains that the reason why we are unhappy with ourselves is because our vision of what our life should look like doesn’t match what it really is.

We have these ideas of what the perfect relationship is in our minds or the perfect job or our perfect body and we compare this mental vision to our reality. This disconnect makes us feel depressed, unsatisfied, and can cause great amounts of anxiety.

Is this true for you? I know in my life I create ideals of where I should be in my career, what kinds of relationships are in my life, how much money I should have, and what I should look like.

Tony’s resolution? Either change you mental blueprint of what your life should look like or change your life to meet the blueprint. Realize what blueprints in your life are unrealistic and create new ones or alter them so they can match your life.

One person Tony talked about in the speech was an athlete who wasn’t able to play anymore due to physical injuries. This athlete became depressed and hopeless. He said he would never be happy again unless he was able to play the sport again. In his blueprint, the only way he would make his family proud and support them was through playing this sport. It wasn’t until he realized that he could create a new path for himself that he was able to find happiness again. This wasn’t the one and only way he could find success in his life. It was time to create a new blueprint for himself.

Even when we try not to, we are constantly comparing ourselves whether it’s to that vision of what our life should be like or to others. In the end, this comparison rarely does anything for us unless we reflect when we catch ourselves doing it.

I want to end this post with a quote I saw this morning posted by Jhene Aiko:

So, what is your current “life blueprint” what adjustments will need to be made?

Thanks for reading.

XO,

YOUNGCOCO

Finding Deeper Meaning

Like many who come into college, I started my academic career by taking “generals”. These are classes like sociology 1001, biology 1000, and intro to psychology.

In these courses, we skim the various topics that pertain to the overall subjects- like in biology we briefly went over definitions of evolution, genetics, and cell functions. Each topic covered spanned about two weeks long. We took an exam, forgot about what we learned, and then moved onto the next subject.

While these classes gave us a chance to explore the wide range of studies available to us, they lacked an in-depth understanding of why the lessons were meaningful and didn’t give us the ability to have long conversations about what we had learned.

It’s not until 3000-level subjects when we are able to completely unpack and learn deeply a certain aspect of an overarching subject. We take more time focusing on each lesson and usually have one big project that we work on the entire semester.

What does this have to do with deeper meaning?

Have you ever gone to a social gathering and realized you are engaging in surface level conversations with people?

These conversations sound like tape recordings “how are you?” “how’s work?” “what’s new?”

After a while, these conversations drain our energy. Why is that?

We crave connection and meaning.

Social gatherings honestly suck until you get into those unique conversations that you don’t engage with in your everyday life. They excite us and make us feel like we are really getting to know the person we are talking with.

These conversations usually occur once we get more comfortable and situated in an environment.

If you are like me, you want to give everyone attention at an event. You want to say hi to everyone, but sometimes engaging with just a few people allows for more memorable conversations plus once you have a really good conversation it makes it easier to engage in more.

Not only do I enjoy depth in social settings, but I find when I work on just one or two projects during the day, I feel much more satisfied. Focusing on finishing a book or an art project instead of doing small bits of everything is much more rewarding. Trying to pack too much in our day makes for a chaotic life.

So what I’m really trying to say is that engaging with more in-depth content is so much more interesting and fulfilling. When my day has at least one deep interaction or lesson, I feel peaceful and whole. When my days are full of lots of superficial content, I feel like something is missing. In some ways, this deeper meaning is achieved by simplicity. Less can be more.

What do you think?

Why Do We Fear Rejection?

How many times has the fear of rejection stopped you from doing something?

Why? Rejection really sucks!

Sorry, you didn’t get the job. I think we should just be friends. I don’t like your outfit/project/etc.

Ouch!

Here’s the thing- every single human has experienced some form of rejection.

Who experiences the most rejection? The people who put themselves out there the most.

Being curious about the effects of rejection and recommendations for recovering from it, I did some scholarly research.. on wikihow. Sorry professors who are reading!!

The wikihow article talks about how typically rejection causes people to take less risks. People who get rejected and don’t know how to cope properly end up making choices that are very risk adverse. They don’t want to feel that horrible feeling of rejection again! It makes total sense.

Sadly, the things we want the most cause us to take the greatest risks, so while we feel like we are protecting ourselves by not taking any, we are just preventing ourselves from living out our best lives. The result? A life of settling. Uninspiring and boring.

Think of playing poker. The greater of a risk you take the greater the reward you can potentially receive. If you play small, you will only get a small return. The same with taking risks. The bigger the risk, the bigger the reward. You can’t win a race that you don’t enter. Yes it’s scary, but that’s why not everyone gets there.

The people who I’ve talked to who are the most successful against my standards have all experienced amounts of rejection that are greater than the average person. The difference? They continue to bounce back and don’t dwell on it too much. They keep focused on the goal. They have a different perspective on why they were rejected and continue to work hard for what they want. 

So while we can blame our rejection on not being good enough or on our flaws, this is actually the most counterproductive reaction we can have. 

Instead, we can look at rejection as a room for growth or realize that something wasn’t meant for us, but this doesn’t mean that we are any less worthy. It’s either not the right timing or not the right thing for us and that’s okay!

I want you to replace “I didn’t get ___ because I’m not smart enough” with “I did not get this because I didn’t have enough experience in ___ or knowledge in ___ so I will work hard on developing these skills.” This replaces hopeless feelings with actionable ones.

And sometimes something really is just not meant for us. In time, you will realize why. 

Please don’t let the fear of rejection stop you from chasing your dreams.

Here are some tips I found for coping with rejection:

  1. Talk to someone
  2. Be active- go for a walk, go to the gym, or clean
  3. Think about your successes
  4. Write it out
  5. Pamper yourself
  6. Take some time to recover (it’s normal to be sad)
  7. Don’t take it personally!
  8. Remember it’s not all about you (there are other factors as to why something didn’t work out)
  9. Be grateful
  10. Find the good in the situation

Thanks for reading. I hope this piece was helpful for anyone dealing with rejection.

XO,

YOUNGCOCO


3 Ways to Have a Happier And More Productive Day

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Ever have one of those days? The kind where you just can’t seem to focus. Every task throughout your day feels like a chore and every conversation just feels boring and drawn out.

I definitely have. In fact, I felt like that this morning. I sat in class and slouched in my seat. Can this day be over yet? I began to watch the clock.

Why did I feel like this today?

I thought back to the days when I felt all the energy and was excited about being productive.

What did I do differently?

It hit me.

The days when I’m happiest and most productive are usually the days when I do these three things:

Everything You Should Know Before Getting Eyelash Extensions

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I remember when I first heard about eyelash extensions- it was about three years ago when I worked at an overnight summer camp. I was on Pinterest looking at makeup inspiration (which I hadn’t worn any all summer) and I saw one girl who had amazing lashes. I showed my English coworkers, at the time, and said something along the lines of “I wish my eyelashes looked like that- I cannot put on fake eyelashes for my life”. Then one of them asked me, “have you heard of eyelash extensions?”

From there, all I thought about was booking my appointment for right when I got back home from camp. I couldn’t wait to have glamorous lashes with no effort. I began to look at prices- at this time no one really did eyelash extensions in the states and the only salon I could find near my house charged 300 dollars!! When I told my coworkers this, they said that was absurd. In England, they only charge 30. No fairrrrr. I thought. I should just take a trip to England to get my eyelashes done. 

Since my discovery of lash extensions, I’ve gone to three different ladies to do them for me. Through these experiences, I’ve learned that not all lashes are equal! or I should say- not all lash products.

Prices range a good amount and different people carry different lash products. I would say the more expensive lashes are usually worth it. They look more realistic, usually last longer, and don’t tangle as much as cheap ones do. I guess it comes down to preference- and people get lashes for different reasons.

I would recommend you look at the work that the person you are going to has done before going. I think a lot of people do tacky jobs (my opinion!!).

The woman I go to now lets you pick a variety of options- which I like. She offers different lash arrangements and you can pick between gorgeous, cute, and sexy lash looks. She also has different dimensions for lashes. So the picture you see above is from when I got the 2-D lashes. MY FAVORITE. I just love when they are thicker. Lol.

Anyways, that’s my experience with lashes and I want to share some pros and cons of having lashes:

Pros:

– spending less time doing makeup

– confidence boost

– don’t have to apply fake lashes anymore

– looking more photogenic

– wearing less makeup

– compliments

Cons:

-moolaaaaa

– maintenance (go in every 2-3 weeks)

– having to be more conscious of rubbing your eyes

– no oil based makeup removers (if you want the lashes to last a while)

– limited time in saunas and in water

– losing your real lashes overtime

– fallout and gaps in lashes look funny

 

Let me know if you have any question about lashes! I would be happy to answer them 🙂

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9 Tips on Having a Successful Event

Before the Event:

Tell People in advance

Even if you don’t have all of the details set up, let people know that you are thinking of having an event and what the general theme will be. You can send a flyer saying that more details are to come. This way people are already anticipating a follow-up and are getting excited about the event before you send out the rest of the information.

Make the invite personal

While you can send a general invitation, it is nice to send a personal note along with it. Something like “It wouldn’t be the same without you” or “I’m so excited that you are thinking of coming!”

Give enough information

Yes time, date and location are most important but what about size of the event, what  should they bring, what you will provide, and what the general dress code will be? It’s nice to come to an event knowing all of these details. It makes you feel comfortable and ensures that you don’t dress in a ballroom gown when everyone else is wearing jeans.

Get party favors + food

Remember when we were kids and the only thing that got us excited to go to birthday parties was receiving party favors at the end? (oh, and candy!) Well, I don’t think that ever really goes away. It’s fun to give out silly gifts to your guests because it makes them feel special. You don’t have to give a million dollar gift, but a little something to show appreciation for their presence goes a long way! And an event is not an event with out food.. don’t let your guests starve.

During the event

Introduce people

If your guests don’t all know each other- you should be introducing them! Offer them something to drink and let them chat it up.

Make sure everyone feels included

Take a look around. What’s everyone doing? If someone’s sitting in the corner make the effort to make them feel welcomed by offering them food, introducing them to someone they haven’t met yet, or just talk to them yourself! You can even play games to crack the ice and get more people involved.

Take Pictures!

Capture the fun moments, the food, the decorations, and the conversations.

Post event

Thank guests

Appreciation, again, goes a long way. The more appreciated someone feels at your event for taking the time to come- the more likely they are to go to your next event!

Send any pictures you have from the event

Who doesn’t love getting funny or cute pictures at the end of a night? You don’t have to send pictures right after they leave, but it’s always fun to receive pictures that other people took. So send them to your guests!