How to Live Somewhere New

advice, Uncategorized

So you made it.

You’re in a new neighborhood, city, state, country.

Different landscapes and new faces.

You have a feeling that everyone you come across can tell that you’re an outsider.

Overthinking what you say and how you move- everyone knows you’re not from here.

What do you do?

Allow yourself to feel uncomfortable. Laugh at yourself and all of your awkwardness.

Smile at strangers.

Stop for pedestrians who’ve been waiting to cross.

Create a list of places to walk and explore.

Find places to volunteer- libraries or community events.

Try cooking a new recipe.

Re-invent yourself.

Developing a Win-Win Perspective

Mindfulness, Uncategorized

If I get the job, I win and if I don’t, I’m still winning.

What if your inner talk sounded like this?

How much happier would you be when things didn’t go your way?

The other day I had plans with a friend. We had the plans set in stone for weeks, and last minute, they canceled. I was bummed. It felt like a loss. I sat in bed thinking that my day was ruined. I sat in my misery and felt frustration fill my body. Then I paused and thought: how can I see this from a different perspective? I realized it had been weeks since I had alone time. I was going to make this a “me” day. I did all the things I had put off while being so busy entertaining friends and working. It was a win-win.

Wins can be lessons learned, a chance to do something new, a chance to appreciate an aspect of your life you take for granted.

Today decide that no matter what happens, you are winning.

The Importance of Intentional Interactions

mindfulness, Mindfulness, relationships

Have you ever thought about a conversation you had with someone and wished you could take back what you had said? Why did I say that? What’s wrong with me?!

Well, we’ve all been there and let’s face it- that regret can eat us alive. We want to be the best versions of ourselves and with that comes having healthy relationships with others.

Think back to a time when you had a great interaction with someone that left you feeling so good about yourself. Likely it was because you were present in the moment and feeling like you were genuinely connected to the other person.

So how can we have more of these energizing interactions? For me, these following tools have been helpful:

Always see yourself as a contributor: Just because you are not the focus of attention in an environment, that does not mean your energy doesn’t play a part in the collective space. What kind of messages are you giving others, verbally or non-verbally? How is it making others feel?

Question yourself before and after you enter a new space: How do I want to affect others? How will I achieve this? If you want to make others feel listened to, how will you make sure you are doing that? If you want to help others feel confident, what kinds of things are coming out of your mouth?

Pause before speaking: What is the purpose of me saying what I am about to say? Is it based from my own fears or a place of genuine love? How will this potentially be received by the person I am talking to and is it worth that outcome?

The more intentional we are with what we say and do, the less likely we are to regret saying things in the spur of the moment and the more our relationships thrive.

Do you have any techniques in place that help you be more intentional when you interact with others?

Falling in Love with an Idea

Advice + Inspiration, mindfulness, Mindfulness, relationships, Uncategorized

Have you ever fallen in love with the idea of something? My guess is that you probably have.

We fall in love with the idea of a person, a lifestyle, a career.

We want what we can’t have. Why? We are quick to assume that because we can’t achieve something, we aren’t worthy of having it. This means we fall in love with ideas because we believe they will make us feel worthy. So what do we do? We work to change ourselves in order to fit into someone who is. This can mean changing our values, working hard to please others, or doing things that we actually don’t like.

There’s nothing wrong with self-betterment. In fact, it’s great to have goals to work toward. However, it is important to realize why we have the goals we have. If we have them in order to receive external rewards, it might be a good idea to re-evaluate. The only outcomes and feelings we can control are our own.

Imagine that your goal is to get a job to impress others. You work tirelessly to become qualified for this position and once you receive it, you get the response you wanted- people are congratulating you and some are even calling you successful. What a feeling! A month later, this is no longer the topic of conversation, and you are left with a job that you don’t even like.

One of my good friends once told me, “I used to work so hard to prove myself to others until one day I realized that no one actually cares.” He’s right. When you think about it like this, you start making decisions for yourself. What actually makes YOU feel satisfied? If no one was watching you and you had nothing to prove, how would you behave? What makes you happy with out other people’s approval?

What about when it comes to relationships? A relationship ends, and we fantasize how great our partner was. We begin to tell ourselves that if we just improve this or that, that we might be worthy of their love. We focus on becoming better, but we do it for the wrong reasons. You do not have to prove yourself to this person. Take all the good that you see in this person, and start believing those things about yourself. You do not have to win anyone over.

Win yourself over.

Stop falling in love with ideas, fall in love with yourself.

Thanks for reading.

XO,

Coco

Stop Passion Searching

advice, Uncategorized

Haven’t found your true passion yet? Guess what? it’s okay.

Yesterday morning I got back into my old morning routine: I didn’t press snooze, prepared food for the day and went for a long walk while listening to an inspirational podcast.

The podcast episode: “The Curiosity-Driven Life” on SuperSoul Conversations with Oprah

The episode featured the author of Eat Pray Love, Elizabeth Gilbert. Right away she tells us to stop searching for our passions. What? I thought she was crazy, but when we hear something controversial it makes us want to learn more, right?

She explained how she used to preach “follow your passion” until one day she received a Facebook message from a woman saying she didn’t have one, and that her speeches actually made her feel worse. It had never occurred to her that not everyone knew what their passion was their whole life as she had.

This challenged her view on life and people and now she has a new belief and speech;

There are hammers and there are hummingbirds.

Gilbert describes herself as being a hammer. Since kindergarten she’s known that she loves to write and has been writing ever since. Do you know people like this in your life? They have one true passion and have stuck with it since you’ve known them. I’ve always been envious of these types of people.

The other type of person she describes as being hummingbirds. I absolutely fall into this category. She said this type of person is always trying new things and exploring. She brings up her friend who has had several career paths in her life. If this is you, her advice is instead of searching for your “one true passion” just follow your curiosities. This takes the pressure off of having to stick to one thing. When we do this, we can enjoy and learn at our own free will. It’s not as serious as we have previously made it to be.

The beauty of a hummingbird

Hummingbirds cross-pollinate. As someone who has experienced and tried many things, you have the ability to take what you’ve learned in one place and apply elsewhere. Experience is wisdom.

In the podcast, Gilbert says that she is the person many people come to for counseling and advice. But she says that when she is in a rut, she calls her hummingbird friend. Her friend has lived through so much that she does not judge anyone for where they are in their life. And because she has experienced so much, she has wisdom to draw from many places to give great advice.

I really love that.

Are you a hammer or a hummingbird?

Thanks for reading.

XO,

Coco