Why Do We Fear Rejection?

How many times has the fear of rejection stopped you from doing something?

Why? Rejection really sucks!

Sorry, you didn’t get the job. I think we should just be friends. I don’t like your outfit/project/etc.

Ouch!

Here’s the thing- every single human has experienced some form of rejection.

Who experiences the most rejection? The people who put themselves out there the most.

Being curious about the effects of rejection and recommendations for recovering from it, I did some scholarly research.. on wikihow. Sorry professors who are reading!!

The wikihow article talks about how typically rejection causes people to take less risks. People who get rejected and don’t know how to cope properly end up making choices that are very risk adverse. They don’t want to feel that horrible feeling of rejection again! It makes total sense.

Sadly, the things we want the most cause us to take the greatest risks, so while we feel like we are protecting ourselves by not taking any, we are just preventing ourselves from living out our best lives. The result? A life of settling. Uninspiring and boring.

Think of playing poker. The greater of a risk you take the greater the reward you can potentially receive. If you play small, you will only get a small return. The same with taking risks. The bigger the risk, the bigger the reward. You can’t win a race that you don’t enter. Yes it’s scary, but that’s why not everyone gets there.

The people who I’ve talked to who are the most successful against my standards have all experienced amounts of rejection that are greater than the average person. The difference? They continue to bounce back and don’t dwell on it too much. They keep focused on the goal. They have a different perspective on why they were rejected and continue to work hard for what they want. 

So while we can blame our rejection on not being good enough or on our flaws, this is actually the most counterproductive reaction we can have. 

Instead, we can look at rejection as a room for growth or realize that something wasn’t meant for us, but this doesn’t mean that we are any less worthy. It’s either not the right timing or not the right thing for us and that’s okay!

I want you to replace “I didn’t get ___ because I’m not smart enough” with “I did not get this because I didn’t have enough experience in ___ or knowledge in ___ so I will work hard on developing these skills.” This replaces hopeless feelings with actionable ones.

And sometimes something really is just not meant for us. In time, you will realize why. 

Please don’t let the fear of rejection stop you from chasing your dreams.

Here are some tips I found for coping with rejection:

  1. Talk to someone
  2. Be active- go for a walk, go to the gym, or clean
  3. Think about your successes
  4. Write it out
  5. Pamper yourself
  6. Take some time to recover (it’s normal to be sad)
  7. Don’t take it personally!
  8. Remember it’s not all about you (there are other factors as to why something didn’t work out)
  9. Be grateful
  10. Find the good in the situation

Thanks for reading. I hope this piece was helpful for anyone dealing with rejection.

XO,

YOUNGCOCO


Life Without Headphones

Before I leave the house, I always make sure I have my… headphones. 

Was there a time when I didn’t do this? Not one that I remember.

Walking around a college campus, I notice I am not the only one. We walk around with cords connecting our ears to our pockets and our eyes glued to our phones. 

What happens in the rare case that I don’t have my headphones?

I experience a different world.

I meet an amazing woman from Jordan who suggests I try the local Middle-Eastern store. 

I make a lifelong friend at the airport who has traveled the world to help  children who come from broken families.

I meet two friends who have the same fascination with interior design as I do and we chat during the entire commute.

I meet a woman in her 50s, who also forgot her headphones, and we talk about life, relationships, and spirituality. I feel like we have met in another life. 

I notice the conversations and love that surrounds me. 

I make deeper connections. 

Life has more meaning. 

Introducing: Sunday Unwind + Refine

In previous posts, I have emphasized how important Sundays are for me. They set the tone for the week to come. If my Sundays are relaxed and productive, I have a relaxed and productive week as a result. This new segment of my blog is aimed to hold me accountable on Sundays as well as to inspire you as you start your week. 

This week, I will not do a Sunday post (I will be traveling), but I thought I would introduce some of the topics I will cover. I am always accepting feedback and suggestions too- so don’t hesitate!

So… here are some of the topics! —-

What’s Cooking

In this section, I will post one meal prep for the week! (hopefully this will motivate me to cook more. Lol!)

Random Interest

Sometimes it’s fun to share random things… like my new obsession with cheese boards:

Focus of the Week

Focus of the week- essentially goals. I will also posts quotes and other sources of inspiration for the week. 

Like this one-

News/ Insights

Here- I’ll post links and comments to relevant news or ideas.

As you have probably seen in my other posts.. I love to ask questions! Here, I will post reflective, philosophical, thought-provoking questions!

Reflection

While getting ready for the upcoming week is super important, it is also important to reflect on the week before. In this section, I will reflect on goals I had for the week – what was successful – and what was not so successful. 

Excited to start this segment in a week! Stay tuned and please check it out. If you are inspired, do something similar and let me know! I would love to keep updated with your weekly posts.

Thanks for reading! 🙂

Running Out of Things to Blog About?

It is so easy to write when you start your blog.

I remember the first two months of starting my blog, I was writing virtually every single day and sometimes even twice a day. I remember reading other bloggers posts saying things like “sorry I haven’t posted in a while, my new goal is to post once a week” I was like what! How could you not find things to write about?!

Then it happened- I got writer’s block. And the everyday struggle was thinking “What should I write about?”

Last week, I met with a freelance writer. She’s written for MSNBC, Refinery 29, and other very well-known publications.

When we got to chatting, I told her my problem:

“It was so easy writing when I started! But now I feel like writing less and less. I don’t even know what to talk about.”

Can you relate?

Well here’s the advice she gave me-

“Some of my favorite bloggers don’t even write everyday. They pick certain days to post. It’s about the consistency. Find the same day every week to post and find something unique to post about so people will be looking for your posts on that specific day every week.”

She showed me a blogger who literally just creates posts with links to her favorite articles every Tuesday. Like what?! I could do something like this. It sounds doable.

Find something that makes your blog unique and make it a weekly post.

I love this advice.

What do you do to ensure you have things to write about and don’t go MIA for months?

Let me know!

Thanks for reading.

The Secret to Getting Out of a Rut

Start.

I’m kidding, but kind of not..

Do you ever skip a day at the gym which then turns into a week of skipping and then the next think you know you haven’t gone for two months? Yeah, that.

Why is it that it is so easy for a cheat day to snowball into a cheat year? Or for a day of being a couch potato to turn into a couch potato lifestyle?

I am going to admit- this has been me for the past week. Before that, I was on my grind for like a month! I was meal prepping, doing workouts at home AND at the gym, I was waking up early, and was almost never on social media. Living my best life.

So, what changed that? A change in routine. I love and hate routines at the same time. Routine holds me accountable, but it can get boring.

What was the result of a change in routine? A change in priorities and endless excuses as to why I wasn’t being as productive as I could be.

Can you relate? Keep reading,

So today was my first day back at the gym. What steps did I take to get out of the rut I’ve been in for weeks?

The first: Reflecting.

How good did I feel when I was going to the gym nearly every day? How lazy did I feel when I slowly stopped? Which of the two feelings do I prefer? What’s more worth it for me and what aligns most with my long term goals?

The second: Realizing the excuses I was making took more energy than the things I was making excuses for.

It takes so much energy to come up with excuses for yourself. The common excuse for me has been “I don’t have time” REALLLLLY? So, I had time to watch netflix and go out and scroll through every single social media platform but not workout for even 30 minutes? yeahhhh ok.

The third: Really and truly just showing up.

Instead of thinking too much about how hard the task will be, just begin. Create the word document, write out the list of ideas, make a to-do list, just show up at the gym. Don’t think about the details too much- START! I read this quote earlier this week and it said “worrying about something before it even happens is basically putting yourself through the pain of the event twice”. So very true.

So today, when I went to the gym, I brought my iPad and responded to emails while on the elliptical. Since I hadn’t been to the gym in weeks, I thought I would take it easy, but ended up running for 45 minutes! It felt so good.

I promise once you take the first steps in getting back into a routine you’ll truly wonder why you ever stopped.

The hardest part is just to start and it’s all in your head. Stop the excuses and do it.

You know you will feel so much better accomplishing what you’ve been putting off than continuing to make excuses.

Does anyone else have any tricks they use to get out of a rut? I would love to hear!

Thanks for reading 🙂

 

 

Don’t Give Up

 

I know it’s hard

but don’t give up.

Some days taste like success-

others feel like pure failure

don’t give up.

you’ve climbed halfway up the mountain

but you’ve slipped down a couple of rocks

don’t give up.

Don’t throw away the table because it is dirty,

clean it.

Take care of your dreams,

they’re fragile-

don’t give up.

Look down,

you’ve come so far,

would you give away a year of growth

because of a few days of failure.

I hope not.

Get up.

Be proud of who you are

and what you will accomplish tomorrow.

You were made to do great things.

 

 

 

3 Ways to Have a Happier And More Productive Day

happy_nature_green

Ever have one of those days? The kind where you just can’t seem to focus. Every task throughout your day feels like a chore and every conversation just feels boring and drawn out.

I definitely have. In fact, I felt like that this morning. I sat in class and slouched in my seat. Can this day be over yet? I began to watch the clock.

Why did I feel like this today?

I thought back to the days when I felt all the energy and was excited about being productive.

What did I do differently?

It hit me.

The days when I’m happiest and most productive are usually the days when I do these three things: