Why You Need to Stop This Mindset

If I lose 20 pounds then I’ll be happy

If I get a promotion then I’ll be successful

If I get this job then I’ll be good enough

If I get 10k followers then I will feel pretty

STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!!!

Stop placing your worth, happiness, and success in the achievement of something in the future. When we do this, we basically tell ourselves that we cannot be happy until we get these things.

Think back to when you were a child. You’re in a grocery store trying to convince your parents to buy you a toy. You tell yourself that there is no possible way you will be happy unless they agree to buy you the thing. You have already decided that you will throw a fit if you don’t get what you want. This time you’re lucky- your parents agree to buy you it! Now you feel so happy… for a moment…. but it doesn’t last.

How many times have you placed your happiness on getting something that you look back on now and have to laugh? Turns out the American Girl Doll wasn’t the secret to our lasting happiness after all. Just like getting that new designer purse isn’t either.

How happy you are now is likely to determine how happy you will be in the future. It is fine to look forward to something. In fact, it’s totally healthy, but this is different than deciding you won’t be happy until something happens for you.

We aren’t the best at predicting what will happen in the future. Think about it. Who did you want to become when you were younger? What did you think you’d be doing right now 5 years ago? I can speak for myself and say that these are two very different things.

So decide today that you will be happy. Not when you get that new car or those new shoes. This only lasts so long until you are lusting over the next new thing.

Decide to be happy because you have goals and values that guide what you do. Be happy because you are in this moment right now and have made it this far. Be happy to be authentically you. And be happy that you are on a mission to change your life and the lives of others too.

What’s your Life Blueprint?

You can imagine my disbelief when my friend, who is embarking her motivational speaking career, told our friend group that she had never heard of Tony Robbins. Excuse me. What?!

When I was in high school, I discovered Pinterest. This was the beginning of my obsession with motivational quotes which translated into watching motivational videos on YouTube. I remember one of the first motivational speeches I watched on youtube; it was given by Tony Robbins. I remember watching this video and then watching all of his videos and thinking to myself that he truly had life figured out.

Fast-forward a few years and I’m listening to a podcast, called Earn Your Happy, where the hostess, Lori Harder, interviewed someone who was once one of Tony’s interns. Omg I thought. Tony Robbins!

So, the other day I was browsing YouTube jumping around between different TED Talks, and one of the suggested videos was one by Tony Robins that was titled change your life blueprint.

I swear I had seen this video before, but it still resonated with me so much. In Tony’s speech, he explains that the reason why we are unhappy with ourselves is because our vision of what our life should look like doesn’t match what it really is.

We have these ideas of what the perfect relationship is in our minds or the perfect job or our perfect body and we compare this mental vision to our reality. This disconnect makes us feel depressed, unsatisfied, and can cause great amounts of anxiety.

Is this true for you? I know in my life I create ideals of where I should be in my career, what kinds of relationships are in my life, how much money I should have, and what I should look like.

Tony’s resolution? Either change you mental blueprint of what your life should look like or change your life to meet the blueprint. Realize what blueprints in your life are unrealistic and create new ones or alter them so they can match your life.

One person Tony talked about in the speech was an athlete who wasn’t able to play anymore due to physical injuries. This athlete became depressed and hopeless. He said he would never be happy again unless he was able to play the sport again. In his blueprint, the only way he would make his family proud and support them was through playing this sport. It wasn’t until he realized that he could create a new path for himself that he was able to find happiness again. This wasn’t the one and only way he could find success in his life. It was time to create a new blueprint for himself.

Even when we try not to, we are constantly comparing ourselves whether it’s to that vision of what our life should be like or to others. In the end, this comparison rarely does anything for us unless we reflect when we catch ourselves doing it.

I want to end this post with a quote I saw this morning posted by Jhene Aiko:

So, what is your current “life blueprint” what adjustments will need to be made?

Thanks for reading.

XO,

YOUNGCOCO

Last Day of 2018

This year feels like it did not happen.

2018. The year my life changed.

Those who know me know that I am constantly changing and finding new interests mostly because I’m a naturally curious person but this year was different. I found purpose.

I don’t usually like to write about myself, but here is what happened in 2018:

– I dove deeper into my major and made great relationships with my professors

– I made new friends who continue inspire me

– I created my blog extremely spontaneously and fell in love with it

– I became genuinely happy. Yes there were ups and downs but through bad relationships and experiences I found out how to truly take care of myself

– I became closer to my sister which has been one of the greatest blessings to me

So this is the time of the year where we look back at the year, reflect, then decide on resolutions, right? I keep thinking of the habits I have already implemented and think these “resolutions” are an addition to everything I’ve already added to my life.

So, 2019… I want it to look something like this:

Focus on growth and giving

– Volunteer once a month

– Eat one vegetable a day. Sounds kind of silly I know. Some weeks go by and I’m like when’s the last time I ate a vegetable? So even if it’s just one carrot or even a piece of an avocado this is my goal.

– Read daily. Hard copy. It can be one page but I do need to read more.

– Have a solid morning routine and learn to enjoy working out in the morning. Read, journal, and exercise. I keep hearing that the most productive days are when you get the hardest thing done first.

– Cook more. I am guilty of buying the same foods every time I grocery shop and not making real food. In 2019 I want to learn new recipes and cook one proper meal a week.

– Blog weekly!

-Love more

What’s your resolution?

Finding Deeper Meaning

Like many who come into college, I started my academic career by taking “generals”. These are classes like sociology 1001, biology 1000, and intro to psychology.

In these courses, we skim the various topics that pertain to the overall subjects- like in biology we briefly went over definitions of evolution, genetics, and cell functions. Each topic covered spanned about two weeks long. We took an exam, forgot about what we learned, and then moved onto the next subject.

While these classes gave us a chance to explore the wide range of studies available to us, they lacked an in-depth understanding of why the lessons were meaningful and didn’t give us the ability to have long conversations about what we had learned.

It’s not until 3000-level subjects when we are able to completely unpack and learn deeply a certain aspect of an overarching subject. We take more time focusing on each lesson and usually have one big project that we work on the entire semester.

What does this have to do with deeper meaning?

Have you ever gone to a social gathering and realized you are engaging in surface level conversations with people?

These conversations sound like tape recordings “how are you?” “how’s work?” “what’s new?”

After a while, these conversations drain our energy. Why is that?

We crave connection and meaning!

Social gatherings honestly suck until you get into those unique conversations that you don’t engage with in your everyday life. They excite us and make us feel like we are really getting to know the person we are talking with.

These conversations usually occur once we get more comfortable and situated in an environment.

If you are like me, you want to give everyone attention at an event. You want to say hi to everyone, but sometimes engaging with just a few people allows for more memorable conversations plus once you have a really good conversation it makes it easier to engage in more.

Not only do I enjoy depth in social settings, but I find when I work on just one or two projects during the day, I feel much more satisfied. Focusing on finishing a book or an art project instead of doing small bits of everything is much more rewarding. Trying to pack too much in our day makes for a chaotic life.

So what I’m really trying to say is that engaging with more in-depth content is so much more interesting and fulfilling. When my day has at least one deep interaction or lesson, I feel peaceful and whole. When my days are full of lots of superficial content, I feel like something is missing. In some ways, this deeper meaning is achieved by simplicity. Less can be more.

What do you think?

Gymtimidation – Why Do We Get It?

Omg, I feel like everyone on the face of the planet has experienced this- Gymtimidation.

Why do we get it? I mean we go to the gym for noble reasons – self betterment, to boost our moods, or to work off stress. Shouldn’t we just be proud that we’re at the gym? 

It’s funny too because we’re all thinking that people are judging us when really we are just judging ourselves!

So confession – I went back to the gym yesterday (it had been almost a week). I used to go to the gym every single day with out pause. I had the same routine down- run on the elliptical for 30 minutes and then do some crunches and call it a day. I was scared to branch out and try something new because I had these workouts to a T. When summer came, my free school gym membership was no longer valid, and I did not go to the gym ONCE.

Now that school’s back- I’ve gone to the gym a few times, but I have mostly been doing youtube video workouts, which I highly recommend if you can hold yourself accountable that way. Anyways, when I work out at home I can do whatever I want. I’ll notice myself laughing when I look funny doing a workout a certain way, but continue to do it regardless.

Thinking about how freely and excited I am to workout at home, while I was at the gym yesterday, made me realize:

I’m going to the gym for me.

Oh that person thinks I run funny?

I think that too. It’s hilarious.

But I am here for me not to impress you.

I’m here to become the best version of myself.

I will push boundaries and enjoy this time at the gym

why?

Because this is for me. No one else.  

Thanks for reading. Do you and be less hard on yourself! When in doubt- laugh it out!

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Changing Your Relationship with Food

What’s the perfect diet?

What can and can’t you eat?

How many calories are in that?

Our relationship with food has become exhausting. We constantly beat ourselves up for not being perfect and punish ourselves as a result.

I’m not an expert on the perfect diet, by any means, but I have found a few people who have inspired me to think about food in a new way:

The first is Michael Pollan.

I discovered him on the Oprah’s Super Soul Conversations podcast.

The episode is “Conscious Eating” 

Michael Pollan’s philosophy is that, “three times a day we get to express our values through food.” He believes that we have let convenient foods take over our diets and that this is making us unhealthy. He talks about the power of cooking your own food and knowing exactly what you put into your body.

Read: Michael Cohen’s 7 Rules for Eating.

If you don’t have the podcast app, here’s the audio from it

The second is Mel Wells.

I discovered her on the Earn Your Happy podcast.

The episode is “231: How Healing Your Relationship with FOOD Can Help You LIVE A FULFILLED LIFE” 

Mel’s philosophy is that releasing our need for control around food is the key to having a better life. She emphasizes the importance of listening to your body, letting go of strict rules, and understanding that sometimes our cravings are not actually for the food itself but for some kind of change in our lives.

I summarized her ideas quite a bit, but the podcast I shared with you will do a good job of filling in the gaps and make more sense of the philosophy.

Here website is linked here.

Highly recommend her video as well-

 

Let me know what you think. Thanks 🙂

The Feeling We All Fear: Loneliness

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We’ve all felt it & I think the strangest part of loneliness is that no matter where you are in the world, you can experience it.

I’ve been in rooms full of people and felt more alone than I had felt when I was by myself. Ironic isn’t it?

Or another good example is posting something on social media that gets a lot of attention. In the moment you feel excited and happy, but later on you somehow feel even lonelier and isolated. Why?

I wanted to share my recent experience with loneliness and I hope it gives you a feeling of peace if you are experiencing it right now.

So the other day, this feeling of loneliness took over me- a feeling that, luckily, I hadn’t felt in a while. I began to overthink every aspect of my life. I started to question my decisions and blaming myself for situations that were out of my control.

Why did this relationship end? Why did I treat so and so that way? Why did I do this instead of that? This is why I am lonely. “

To drown out the thoughts, I put on a feel good movie and finally was able to go to bed.

The next day, I kept replaying the thoughts that I had been feeding myself the night before. 

Later on in that day, I was chatting with a friend. With this experience consuming my mind during conversation, I finally built up the courage to ask-

“do you ever feel lonely?” 

“Yes. A lot.”

Obviously, the conversation went on further, but strangely after she said this, I felt relieved.

I am not happy my friend feels this pain- not one bit, but there is some comfort in knowing loneliness is part of the human experience and it is normal. It makes me realize- I am not alone in this.

And if you are reading this right now this is a reminder to you,

you are not alone either.

You will get through it.