Falling in Love with an Idea

Have you ever fallen in love with the idea of something? My guess is that you probably have.

We fall in love with the idea of a person, a lifestyle, a career.

We want what we can’t have. Why? We are quick to assume that because we can’t achieve something, we aren’t worthy of having it. This means we fall in love with ideas because we believe they will make us feel worthy. So what do we do? We work to change ourselves in order to fit into someone who is. This can mean changing our values, working hard to please others, or doing things that we actually don’t like.

There’s nothing wrong with self-betterment. In fact, it’s great to have goals to work toward. However, it is important to realize why we have the goals we have. If we have them in order to receive external rewards, it might be a good idea to re-evaluate. The only outcomes and feelings we can control are our own.

Imagine that your goal is to get a job to impress others. You work tirelessly to become qualified for this position and once you receive it, you get the response you wanted- people are congratulating you and some are even calling you successful. What a feeling! A month later, this is no longer the topic of conversation, and you are left with a job that you don’t even like.

One of my good friends once told me, “I used to work so hard to prove myself to others until one day I realized that no one actually cares.” He’s right. When you think about it like this, you start making decisions for yourself. What actually makes YOU feel satisfied? If no one was watching you and you had nothing to prove, how would you behave? What makes you happy with out other people’s approval?

What about when it comes to relationships? A relationship ends, and we fantasize how great our partner was. We begin to tell ourselves that if we just improve this or that, that we might be worthy of their love. We focus on becoming better, but we do it for the wrong reasons. You do not have to prove yourself to this person. Take all the good that you see in this person, and start believing those things about yourself. You do not have to win anyone over.

Win yourself over.

Stop falling in love with ideas, fall in love with yourself.

Thanks for reading.

XO,

Coco

Why You Need to Stop This Mindset

If I lose 20 pounds then I’ll be happy

If I get a promotion then I’ll be successful

If I get this job then I’ll be good enough

If I get 10k followers then I will feel pretty

STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!!!

Stop placing your worth, happiness, and success in the achievement of something in the future. When we do this, we basically tell ourselves that we cannot be happy until we get these things.

Think back to when you were a child. You’re in a grocery store trying to convince your parents to buy you a toy. You tell yourself that there is no possible way you will be happy unless they agree to buy you the thing. You have already decided that you will throw a fit if you don’t get what you want. This time you’re lucky- your parents agree to buy you it! Now you feel so happy… for a moment…. but it doesn’t last.

How many times have you placed your happiness on getting something that you look back on now and have to laugh? Turns out the American Girl Doll wasn’t the secret to our lasting happiness after all. Just like getting that new designer purse isn’t either.

How happy you are now is likely to determine how happy you will be in the future. It is fine to look forward to something. In fact, it’s totally healthy, but this is different than deciding you won’t be happy until something happens for you.

We aren’t the best at predicting what will happen in the future. Think about it. Who did you want to become when you were younger? What did you think you’d be doing right now 5 years ago? I can speak for myself and say that these are two very different things.

So decide today that you will be happy. Not when you get that new car or those new shoes. This only lasts so long until you are lusting over the next new thing.

Decide to be happy because you have goals and values that guide what you do. Be happy because you are in this moment right now and have made it this far. Be happy to be authentically you. And be happy that you are on a mission to change your life and the lives of others too.

What’s your Life Blueprint?

You can imagine my disbelief when my friend, who is embarking her motivational speaking career, told our friend group that she had never heard of Tony Robbins. Excuse me. What?!

When I was in high school, I discovered Pinterest. This was the beginning of my obsession with motivational quotes which translated into watching motivational videos on YouTube. I remember one of the first motivational speeches I watched on youtube; it was given by Tony Robbins. I remember watching this video and then watching all of his videos and thinking to myself that he truly had life figured out.

Fast-forward a few years and I’m listening to a podcast, called Earn Your Happy, where the hostess, Lori Harder, interviewed someone who was once one of Tony’s interns. Omg I thought. Tony Robbins!

So, the other day I was browsing YouTube jumping around between different TED Talks, and one of the suggested videos was one by Tony Robins that was titled change your life blueprint.

I swear I had seen this video before, but it still resonated with me so much. In Tony’s speech, he explains that the reason why we are unhappy with ourselves is because our vision of what our life should look like doesn’t match what it really is.

We have these ideas of what the perfect relationship is in our minds or the perfect job or our perfect body and we compare this mental vision to our reality. This disconnect makes us feel depressed, unsatisfied, and can cause great amounts of anxiety.

Is this true for you? I know in my life I create ideals of where I should be in my career, what kinds of relationships are in my life, how much money I should have, and what I should look like.

Tony’s resolution? Either change you mental blueprint of what your life should look like or change your life to meet the blueprint. Realize what blueprints in your life are unrealistic and create new ones or alter them so they can match your life.

One person Tony talked about in the speech was an athlete who wasn’t able to play anymore due to physical injuries. This athlete became depressed and hopeless. He said he would never be happy again unless he was able to play the sport again. In his blueprint, the only way he would make his family proud and support them was through playing this sport. It wasn’t until he realized that he could create a new path for himself that he was able to find happiness again. This wasn’t the one and only way he could find success in his life. It was time to create a new blueprint for himself.

Even when we try not to, we are constantly comparing ourselves whether it’s to that vision of what our life should be like or to others. In the end, this comparison rarely does anything for us unless we reflect when we catch ourselves doing it.

I want to end this post with a quote I saw this morning posted by Jhene Aiko:

So, what is your current “life blueprint” what adjustments will need to be made?

Thanks for reading.

XO,

YOUNGCOCO

Why Being Kind Can Mean Being Vulnerable

Does everyone suffer from some kind of social anxiety?

Or am I the only one who feels awkward when I am alone in a hallway with someone walking the opposite direction and can’t decide where to look and when it’s okay to make eye contact and basically over-think everything?I know in my heart the kind thing to do is look at the person and smile or even say hi, but sometimes I just decide to look down and keep walking.

Being kind can actually be kind of scary sometimes. It can take us out of our comfort zones.

So, story time: A few months ago, I took a trip to California. I checked into my flight before I left- window seat. Score! I got on the plane and the person sitting in my row was a guy in his early 20’s. He had red hair and looked like a slightly bigger version of Ed Sheran. I sat down next to him and immediately put in my headphones; it was a 6am flight and I was tired. Five minutes into the flight, he tapped on my shoulder, “you can just punch me if I’m asleep and you need to use the bathroom.” We both chuckled and then I put in my headphones again. We both fell asleep shortly after.

I woke back up and saw him jamming out. He was head nodding and aggressively playing the air guitar with his iPhone. It was hilarious. Clearly, he did not care if anyone was watching.

I didn’t mention this earlier, but for some reason I was feeling extremely anxious on this flight which is rare because I love flying. I stared out the window and took deep breaths in attempts to rid myself of the nervous feelings. I shut my eyes briefly and then he tapped on my shoulder again, “hey can I share some music with you?”

Is this guy trying to sell me his music? I thought to myself, but I didn’t question him. I put in one ear bud and he had the other one in. Before he started to play it, he told me that he had been listening to this song when he was jamming out earlier and he wanted to share the experience with me. The music started playing and it turned out to not be his music, but religious music.

So this guy went out of his way just to share a feeling he received from this song with me- pure joy. For the first time during this flight I felt some peace. 

Moral of the story?

Go out of your way to be kind. You really do not know what other people are going through. One small gesture can make that difference for them. Your actions affect people more than you think. Be vulnerable and be kind. It matters.

The Secret to Getting Out of a Rut

Start.

I’m kidding, but kind of not..

Do you ever skip a day at the gym which then turns into a week of skipping and then the next think you know you haven’t gone for two months? Yeah, that.

Why is it that it is so easy for a cheat day to snowball into a cheat year? Or for a day of being a couch potato to turn into a couch potato lifestyle?

I am going to admit- this has been me for the past week. Before that, I was on my grind for like a month! I was meal prepping, doing workouts at home AND at the gym, I was waking up early, and was almost never on social media. Living my best life.

So, what changed that? A change in routine. I love and hate routines at the same time. Routine holds me accountable, but it can get boring.

What was the result of a change in routine? A change in priorities and endless excuses as to why I wasn’t being as productive as I could be.

Can you relate? Keep reading,

So today was my first day back at the gym. What steps did I take to get out of the rut I’ve been in for weeks?

The first: Reflecting.

How good did I feel when I was going to the gym nearly every day? How lazy did I feel when I slowly stopped? Which of the two feelings do I prefer? What’s more worth it for me and what aligns most with my long term goals?

The second: Realizing the excuses I was making took more energy than the things I was making excuses for.

It takes so much energy to come up with excuses for yourself. The common excuse for me has been “I don’t have time” REALLLLLY? So, I had time to watch netflix and go out and scroll through every single social media platform but not workout for even 30 minutes? yeahhhh ok.

The third: Really and truly just showing up.

Instead of thinking too much about how hard the task will be, just begin. Create the word document, write out the list of ideas, make a to-do list, just show up at the gym. Don’t think about the details too much- START! I read this quote earlier this week and it said “worrying about something before it even happens is basically putting yourself through the pain of the event twice”. So very true.

So today, when I went to the gym, I brought my iPad and responded to emails while on the elliptical. Since I hadn’t been to the gym in weeks, I thought I would take it easy, but ended up running for 45 minutes! It felt so good.

I promise once you take the first steps in getting back into a routine you’ll truly wonder why you ever stopped.

The hardest part is just to start and it’s all in your head. Stop the excuses and do it.

You know you will feel so much better accomplishing what you’ve been putting off than continuing to make excuses.

Does anyone else have any tricks they use to get out of a rut? I would love to hear!

Thanks for reading 🙂

 

 

Why Being Indecisive is Hurting You More than You Think

 

So what do you want to do today? Well, no plans really.

Do you want a relationship? I don’t know.

What are your goals? I’m not really sure.

This is something I am a pro at being: indecisive. I can’t decide what movie to watch, where we should eat, what I want out of relationships.

Here is something that I have realized- if you don’t decide for yourself what it is that you want you leave your future in the hands of someone else. Now, with movies or something I really am indifferent to, I couldn’t care less, but when it comes to how I spend my days and my relationships it’s a whole different story.

I used to have the “go with the flow” mentality. It is a really good one to have in many cases. However, this mentality does not work if there is something that you truly want deep down.

I never sat down and pictured what it was that I truly wanted. So, I would let others decide for me. In the end, I would only get hurt because you can lie to others about what you want but you can’t lie to yourself.

So, one day I did it. I took the time to think about what I wanted my lifestyle to look like (the people I surround myself with, how I spent my mornings, etc.) and what kind of relationship I was looking for. These were things I had wanted for years, but never truly realized.

It has made a huge impact. Why?

I can communicate what exactly it is that I am looking for. So in relationships, if that person doesn’t want the same thing, then it just saved me months of heart ache.

I can decide exactly what I want my day to look like because I have made the decision to have certain things in my daily routines. I have decided on my priorities.

Remember: Some things in your life just aren’t up for negotiation and you need to decide what those things are.

It doesn’t make you stubborn or uptight. It means you know what you need in order to grow properly and ensure that you are putting yourself in healthy circumstances.

 

Thanks for reading. Don’t settle- make a decision.

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5 Habits That Have Changed My Life

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When I used to think of “becoming the best version of myself” I imagined that drastic lifestyle changes had to be made. I wanted to become super healthy? cut out all sugar, only eat veggies, and work out 1 hour a day. I wanted to become smarter? read a book a week and study all day.

Looking back, I have to LAUGH. How unrealistic. These drastic lifestyle changes were first of all very unenjoyable and secondly, unsustainable.

I would have weeks where I would abide by super strict rules to achieve my goals, something would set me off, and then all rules would go out the window. I would do exactly the opposite of what I had been forcing myself to do the week before. Trust me when I say this was not pretty. Then I would feel guilty, and start the whole process over again.

What a way to live..a giant rollercoaster.

So, what does this story have to do with the habits that have changed my life? Well these small habits have made me realize that in order to grow into a better version of myself, I don’t have to rip off an arm. I can enjoy the process of becoming healthier and smarter without torturing myself. Who would have thought?

So here are the small habits:

Meditating once a day- I am no expert on meditation, and maybe what I do isn’t technically considered “meditating” but hear me out. I take times in the day to do absolutely nothing. I find the best time to do this is in the morning before starting my day. I sit and think about the day to come. What will my day look like? What am I excited about? I ask these questions and just breathe until I’m ready to carry out the day. Its amazing what a difference it has made for me.

Waaalkinnnngggg- I try to go on a daily walk (and I don’t beat myself up when it doesn’t happen). It feels good to be out in fresh air. I either walk in silence or while listening to a podcast. This feels like another form of meditation for me while getting in some exercise. I write notes on my phone because this is also a great time to reflect and debrief.

Asking more questions- How do people learn? We ask questions! There is so much to learn from others that we miss out on because we simply do not ask enough questions.

Writing– I love to attend events and what I have been doing lately is bringing a journal with me. It helps me remember what was said, what I thought, and what was felt. Looking back on notes can help with sparking creativity and inspiration in the future as well.

Podcasts- I know I bring them up a lot but I have to include them. As humans, our minds need to be constantly fed information. That’s just how we are wired. Being able to learn something new while commuting or while cleaning your house is so cool to me. Podcasts also help me out of ruts. There are probably thousands of inspirational podcasts out there and they have helped me, on multiple occasions, out of a slump.

What small habits have you included in your daily practices that have changed your life? I’m curious to know and thanks for reading!

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