Falling in Love with an Idea

Have you ever fallen in love with the idea of something? My guess is that you probably have.

We fall in love with the idea of a person, a lifestyle, a career.

We want what we can’t have. Why? We are quick to assume that because we can’t achieve something, we aren’t worthy of having it. This means we fall in love with ideas because we believe they will make us feel worthy. So what do we do? We work to change ourselves in order to fit into someone who is. This can mean changing our values, working hard to please others, or doing things that we actually don’t like.

There’s nothing wrong with self-betterment. In fact, it’s great to have goals to work toward. However, it is important to realize why we have the goals we have. If we have them in order to receive external rewards, it might be a good idea to re-evaluate. The only outcomes and feelings we can control are our own.

Imagine that your goal is to get a job to impress others. You work tirelessly to become qualified for this position and once you receive it, you get the response you wanted- people are congratulating you and some are even calling you successful. What a feeling! A month later, this is no longer the topic of conversation, and you are left with a job that you don’t even like.

One of my good friends once told me, “I used to work so hard to prove myself to others until one day I realized that no one actually cares.” He’s right. When you think about it like this, you start making decisions for yourself. What actually makes YOU feel satisfied? If no one was watching you and you had nothing to prove, how would you behave? What makes you happy with out other people’s approval?

What about when it comes to relationships? A relationship ends, and we fantasize how great our partner was. We begin to tell ourselves that if we just improve this or that, that we might be worthy of their love. We focus on becoming better, but we do it for the wrong reasons. You do not have to prove yourself to this person. Take all the good that you see in this person, and start believing those things about yourself. You do not have to win anyone over.

Win yourself over.

Stop falling in love with ideas, fall in love with yourself.

Thanks for reading.

XO,

Coco

Why You Need to Stop This Mindset

If I lose 20 pounds then I’ll be happy

If I get a promotion then I’ll be successful

If I get this job then I’ll be good enough

If I get 10k followers then I will feel pretty

STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!!!

Stop placing your worth, happiness, and success in the achievement of something in the future. When we do this, we basically tell ourselves that we cannot be happy until we get these things.

Think back to when you were a child. You’re in a grocery store trying to convince your parents to buy you a toy. You tell yourself that there is no possible way you will be happy unless they agree to buy you the thing. You have already decided that you will throw a fit if you don’t get what you want. This time you’re lucky- your parents agree to buy you it! Now you feel so happy… for a moment…. but it doesn’t last.

How many times have you placed your happiness on getting something that you look back on now and have to laugh? Turns out the American Girl Doll wasn’t the secret to our lasting happiness after all. Just like getting that new designer purse isn’t either.

How happy you are now is likely to determine how happy you will be in the future. It is fine to look forward to something. In fact, it’s totally healthy, but this is different than deciding you won’t be happy until something happens for you.

We aren’t the best at predicting what will happen in the future. Think about it. Who did you want to become when you were younger? What did you think you’d be doing right now 5 years ago? I can speak for myself and say that these are two very different things.

So decide today that you will be happy. Not when you get that new car or those new shoes. This only lasts so long until you are lusting over the next new thing.

Decide to be happy because you have goals and values that guide what you do. Be happy because you are in this moment right now and have made it this far. Be happy to be authentically you. And be happy that you are on a mission to change your life and the lives of others too.

What’s your Life Blueprint?

You can imagine my disbelief when my friend, who is embarking her motivational speaking career, told our friend group that she had never heard of Tony Robbins. Excuse me. What?!

When I was in high school, I discovered Pinterest. This was the beginning of my obsession with motivational quotes which translated into watching motivational videos on YouTube. I remember one of the first motivational speeches I watched on youtube; it was given by Tony Robbins. I remember watching this video and then watching all of his videos and thinking to myself that he truly had life figured out.

Fast-forward a few years and I’m listening to a podcast, called Earn Your Happy, where the hostess, Lori Harder, interviewed someone who was once one of Tony’s interns. Omg I thought. Tony Robbins!

So, the other day I was browsing YouTube jumping around between different TED Talks, and one of the suggested videos was one by Tony Robins that was titled change your life blueprint.

I swear I had seen this video before, but it still resonated with me so much. In Tony’s speech, he explains that the reason why we are unhappy with ourselves is because our vision of what our life should look like doesn’t match what it really is.

We have these ideas of what the perfect relationship is in our minds or the perfect job or our perfect body and we compare this mental vision to our reality. This disconnect makes us feel depressed, unsatisfied, and can cause great amounts of anxiety.

Is this true for you? I know in my life I create ideals of where I should be in my career, what kinds of relationships are in my life, how much money I should have, and what I should look like.

Tony’s resolution? Either change you mental blueprint of what your life should look like or change your life to meet the blueprint. Realize what blueprints in your life are unrealistic and create new ones or alter them so they can match your life.

One person Tony talked about in the speech was an athlete who wasn’t able to play anymore due to physical injuries. This athlete became depressed and hopeless. He said he would never be happy again unless he was able to play the sport again. In his blueprint, the only way he would make his family proud and support them was through playing this sport. It wasn’t until he realized that he could create a new path for himself that he was able to find happiness again. This wasn’t the one and only way he could find success in his life. It was time to create a new blueprint for himself.

Even when we try not to, we are constantly comparing ourselves whether it’s to that vision of what our life should be like or to others. In the end, this comparison rarely does anything for us unless we reflect when we catch ourselves doing it.

I want to end this post with a quote I saw this morning posted by Jhene Aiko:

So, what is your current “life blueprint” what adjustments will need to be made?

Thanks for reading.

XO,

YOUNGCOCO

To Do:

Go above and beyond

Give the love you wish to receive

Create things you wished you had in a time when you felt stuck.

Give someone the confidence to live their dreams.

Life is better when we strive for greatness.

Wake up in the morning on a mission. How will I impact others today? And most importantly how will I impact my own life?

Learn something new.

Take time to just be.

Take time to enjoy your morning coffee.

Make time to be silly and laugh about stupid stuff.

You create your day and your life.

If you were to replay scenes from your life, what do you want them to look like? What will your life be full of?

Finding Deeper Meaning

Like many who come into college, I started my academic career by taking “generals”. These are classes like sociology 1001, biology 1000, and intro to psychology.

In these courses, we skim the various topics that pertain to the overall subjects- like in biology we briefly went over definitions of evolution, genetics, and cell functions. Each topic covered spanned about two weeks long. We took an exam, forgot about what we learned, and then moved onto the next subject.

While these classes gave us a chance to explore the wide range of studies available to us, they lacked an in-depth understanding of why the lessons were meaningful and didn’t give us the ability to have long conversations about what we had learned.

It’s not until 3000-level subjects when we are able to completely unpack and learn deeply a certain aspect of an overarching subject. We take more time focusing on each lesson and usually have one big project that we work on the entire semester.

What does this have to do with deeper meaning?

Have you ever gone to a social gathering and realized you are engaging in surface level conversations with people?

These conversations sound like tape recordings “how are you?” “how’s work?” “what’s new?”

After a while, these conversations drain our energy. Why is that?

We crave connection and meaning.

Social gatherings honestly suck until you get into those unique conversations that you don’t engage with in your everyday life. They excite us and make us feel like we are really getting to know the person we are talking with.

These conversations usually occur once we get more comfortable and situated in an environment.

If you are like me, you want to give everyone attention at an event. You want to say hi to everyone, but sometimes engaging with just a few people allows for more memorable conversations plus once you have a really good conversation it makes it easier to engage in more.

Not only do I enjoy depth in social settings, but I find when I work on just one or two projects during the day, I feel much more satisfied. Focusing on finishing a book or an art project instead of doing small bits of everything is much more rewarding. Trying to pack too much in our day makes for a chaotic life.

So what I’m really trying to say is that engaging with more in-depth content is so much more interesting and fulfilling. When my day has at least one deep interaction or lesson, I feel peaceful and whole. When my days are full of lots of superficial content, I feel like something is missing. In some ways, this deeper meaning is achieved by simplicity. Less can be more.

What do you think?

3 Girl Power Podcasts You Should Listen To

As promised,

here are my favorite (mostly) for women podcasts. I have many favorites, but here are the ones I’ve listened to most recently.

Some of these have been suggested by friends and other bloggers, so thank you!

The first: Earn Your Happy (the one I’m currently listening to)

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The second: Goal Digger

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The third: Girls Gone Boss

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Honestly, these three podcasts have pretty similar themes. They are guides to success and happiness. Each podcast is an interview with someone who followed their dreams and they talk about what their journey was like to get there. They offer great advice and insight. Super motivational and empowering. HIGHLY SUGGEST YOU LISTEN!

If you’re wondering when’s a good time to listen to a podcast here’s when I listen:

– during my commute to school

– on my daily walks (it makes them go by so quickly!)

– while working on projects

– when I need a boost of motivation

If you have any podcast suggestions, please send them my way.

I need new ones to listen to always.

Thank you for reading. Have an inspired day 🙂

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How Can We Feel More Connected?

Have you ever felt disconnected?

It’s a strange feeling, isn’t it?

Disconnect can take form in a number of ways. This disconnect can be from your authentic self or a disconnect from others.

Being curios to understand how feelings of disconnect occur, I did some research and have compiled a list of potential causes for feeling disconnected and a list of ways to minimize these feelings from my own experience and from what I have read.

I believe that whatever words stand out to you in these lists may be a sign or call to action. I know while doing research that I noticed that some things resonated with me more than others.

Potential Causes

FOMO caused by social media

Not being fully present in conversation

Doing things that don’t align with your goals

Worrying about yourself instead of helping others (yes, obviously you need to take care of yourself, but our purpose on earth is finding ways to serve others)

Not spending enough alone time

Spending too much alone time

Drug use

Chemical imbalances

Potential Solutions

Physical activity

Spending time in nature

Developing mindfulness practices

Paying attention to your emotions (don’t suppress)

Make future plans (events, girls night, etc.)

Talking to a stranger

Eating whole foods

Hugging someone

Writing

Volunteering

Laughing

Playing

Giving gratitude

Playing with a pet

Having a creative outlet

Putting your phone down and taking a break

 

These lists contain causes and solutions for both personal disconnection and disconnection from others.

Again, I think whichever activities resonated with you the most is what is most telling. 

We all crave to feel connected. It’s a human need!

I hope you find love & connection in your day today. Thanks!

 

Any things you do to feel connected? I would love to hear them.