Why You Need to Stop This Mindset

If I lose 20 pounds then I’ll be happy

If I get a promotion then I’ll be successful

If I get this job then I’ll be good enough

If I get 10k followers then I will feel pretty

STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!!!

Stop placing your worth, happiness, and success in the achievement of something in the future. When we do this, we basically tell ourselves that we cannot be happy until we get these things.

Think back to when you were a child. You’re in a grocery store trying to convince your parents to buy you a toy. You tell yourself that there is no possible way you will be happy unless they agree to buy you the thing. You have already decided that you will throw a fit if you don’t get what you want. This time you’re lucky- your parents agree to buy you it! Now you feel so happy… for a moment…. but it doesn’t last.

How many times have you placed your happiness on getting something that you look back on now and have to laugh? Turns out the American Girl Doll wasn’t the secret to our lasting happiness after all. Just like getting that new designer purse isn’t either.

How happy you are now is likely to determine how happy you will be in the future. It is fine to look forward to something. In fact, it’s totally healthy, but this is different than deciding you won’t be happy until something happens for you.

We aren’t the best at predicting what will happen in the future. Think about it. Who did you want to become when you were younger? What did you think you’d be doing right now 5 years ago? I can speak for myself and say that these are two very different things.

So decide today that you will be happy. Not when you get that new car or those new shoes. This only lasts so long until you are lusting over the next new thing.

Decide to be happy because you have goals and values that guide what you do. Be happy because you are in this moment right now and have made it this far. Be happy to be authentically you. And be happy that you are on a mission to change your life and the lives of others too.

Interview with a Gamer

I know virtually nothing about video-gaming. A foreign world to me. The other day I tried on a VR headset for the first time and was instantly in awe. It made me eager to learn more about gaming and what it means to people who play often. So, what’s better than interviewing someone I know who is an avid gamer? With out further ado- interview with a gamer.

How long have you been playing video games, when did you start, and why?

I was like 3 when I first started playing video games. I remember playing in my basement at my house in rhode island. I would play Wii bowling and tennis. Then when I moved to Minnesota, I had an experience where I rented a game from blockbuster called call of duty 2 for the wii. It was a three day rental and I accidentally forgot to tell my parents that it was over due. So I had the game for 5 days, but when we came to return it the place was closed. Basically, I got to keep the game so thats really what started gaming for me. Yup thats where it all started it was a big mistake.

After playing call of duty 2, what kept you playing video games? why do you like it?

I kept playing video games after because mostly I found it very interesting with story lines and characters and I like beating games, saving people; its like a movie where you are in control. After a while of having the wii, I got a second-hand xbox 360.. that really started my gaming addiction! It was a kinnect also.

How long would you say it took you to get good and used to the new controllers?

For a while, it was just confusing to me. I would say I caught on quickly though. After 3 or 4 months. I began to understand the controls. Playing with friends made it easier too. By the end of 1 or 2 years, I would say I could play with the controller behind my head.

So now you have been playing with VR, how would you say that experience has been for you?

It’s been very interesting. There’s been hard points like fixing things. We’ve had lots of technical issues with the model I use- the htc vive original. A big part of liking technology is having to fix technology. So we’ve had to fix the controllers and headsets. Both of their warranties are over. If the parts are seriously broken we’re going to have to pay to fix them. Other than that though I think I’ve made good friends through VR which makes it worth it.

What advice would you give to new gamers?

The only advice is if you want to get better.. you gotta put a lot of hours into that game, man. Just keep practicing. If you want to get good, you got to put the time into it. Trying to go semi-pro isn’t easy but it would be a fun way to make money.

On that note, what are your short and long-term goals for video gaming, if you have any?

My short-term goal is to hopefully get better at a game called PubG and to get better with my team for tournaments and stuff. My long-term goal is to get into professional tournaments and stream full-time.

Who are your favorite gamers? What makes a good gamer?

Good question.. my favorite gamer would be people who stream on Twitch a lot of them were professional at one point. My two favorite would be Shroud and Choco Taco- very strange names I know. I like them cause they’re fun and they’re always in a good mood. Not to mention that they’re good! What makes a good gamer is having the ability not to get angry. Not even when you lose. Just be chill.

What’s the most challenging part of gaming?

The most challenging part, if you do online gaming, is overcoming better players, adapting to new environments, and getting a sense for things. Communication is super important with others and yourself. You need to notice things around you. Having a sharp mind is super important in remembering where things are.

What do you think the future of gaming is? Any trends you see?

I see AR becoming a huge thing because I’ve tried it in progress and its ridiculous. You can reach out and truly experience things. Just ridiculous! I feel like first person shooters won’t be a thing anymore there’s a big trend of survival games like “Rust” I would say theres millions of people playing. The servers get up to the thousands.

Are there any computer games you enjoy or see popularity in outside of controller games?

Yes, definitely competitive style games. I don’t think you see as many on xbox or controller games. Like counter strike “CSGO”, PubG, FortNite are very popular. There’s some also some top-down games like World of War Craft. Call of Duty and Halo are on both Xbox and computer but are also pretty popular. There’s money to be made in competitive gaming.. a lot.. and fame!

I hope you enjoyed this interview- I know I learned a lot 🙂

Oh and follow this gamer’s twitch account: RebootFailed

What’s your Life Blueprint?

You can imagine my disbelief when my friend, who is embarking her motivational speaking career, told our friend group that she had never heard of Tony Robbins. Excuse me. What?!

When I was in high school, I discovered Pinterest. This was the beginning of my obsession with motivational quotes which translated into watching motivational videos on YouTube. I remember one of the first motivational speeches I watched on youtube; it was given by Tony Robbins. I remember watching this video and then watching all of his videos and thinking to myself that he truly had life figured out.

Fast-forward a few years and I’m listening to a podcast, called Earn Your Happy, where the hostess, Lori Harder, interviewed someone who was once one of Tony’s interns. Omg I thought. Tony Robbins!

So, the other day I was browsing YouTube jumping around between different TED Talks, and one of the suggested videos was one by Tony Robins that was titled change your life blueprint.

I swear I had seen this video before, but it still resonated with me so much. In Tony’s speech, he explains that the reason why we are unhappy with ourselves is because our vision of what our life should look like doesn’t match what it really is.

We have these ideas of what the perfect relationship is in our minds or the perfect job or our perfect body and we compare this mental vision to our reality. This disconnect makes us feel depressed, unsatisfied, and can cause great amounts of anxiety.

Is this true for you? I know in my life I create ideals of where I should be in my career, what kinds of relationships are in my life, how much money I should have, and what I should look like.

Tony’s resolution? Either change you mental blueprint of what your life should look like or change your life to meet the blueprint. Realize what blueprints in your life are unrealistic and create new ones or alter them so they can match your life.

One person Tony talked about in the speech was an athlete who wasn’t able to play anymore due to physical injuries. This athlete became depressed and hopeless. He said he would never be happy again unless he was able to play the sport again. In his blueprint, the only way he would make his family proud and support them was through playing this sport. It wasn’t until he realized that he could create a new path for himself that he was able to find happiness again. This wasn’t the one and only way he could find success in his life. It was time to create a new blueprint for himself.

Even when we try not to, we are constantly comparing ourselves whether it’s to that vision of what our life should be like or to others. In the end, this comparison rarely does anything for us unless we reflect when we catch ourselves doing it.

I want to end this post with a quote I saw this morning posted by Jhene Aiko:

So, what is your current “life blueprint” what adjustments will need to be made?

Thanks for reading.

XO,

YOUNGCOCO

Last Day of 2018

This year feels like it did not happen.

2018. The year my life changed.

Those who know me know that I am constantly changing and finding new interests mostly because I’m a naturally curious person but this year was different. I found purpose.

I don’t usually like to write about myself, but here is what happened in 2018:

– I dove deeper into my major and made great relationships with my professors

– I made new friends who continue inspire me

– I created my blog extremely spontaneously and fell in love with it

– I became genuinely happy. Yes there were ups and downs but through bad relationships and experiences I found out how to truly take care of myself

– I became closer to my sister which has been one of the greatest blessings to me

So this is the time of the year where we look back at the year, reflect, then decide on resolutions, right? I keep thinking of the habits I have already implemented and think these “resolutions” are an addition to everything I’ve already added to my life.

So, 2019… I want it to look something like this:

Focus on growth and giving

– Volunteer once a month

– Eat one vegetable a day. Sounds kind of silly I know. Some weeks go by and I’m like when’s the last time I ate a vegetable? So even if it’s just one carrot or even a piece of an avocado this is my goal.

– Read daily. Hard copy. It can be one page but I do need to read more.

– Have a solid morning routine and learn to enjoy working out in the morning. Read, journal, and exercise. I keep hearing that the most productive days are when you get the hardest thing done first.

– Cook more. I am guilty of buying the same foods every time I grocery shop and not making real food. In 2019 I want to learn new recipes and cook one proper meal a week.

– Blog weekly!

-Love more

What’s your resolution?

To Do:

Go above and beyond

Give the love you wish to receive

Create things you wished you had in a time when you felt stuck.

Give someone the confidence to live their dreams.

Life is better when we strive for greatness.

Wake up in the morning on a mission. How will I impact others today? And most importantly how will I impact my own life?

Learn something new.

Take time to just be.

Take time to enjoy your morning coffee.

Make time to be silly and laugh about stupid stuff.

You create your day and your life.

If you were to replay scenes from your life, what do you want them to look like? What will your life be full of?

Finding Deeper Meaning

Like many who come into college, I started my academic career by taking “generals”. These are classes like sociology 1001, biology 1000, and intro to psychology.

In these courses, we skim the various topics that pertain to the overall subjects- like in biology we briefly went over definitions of evolution, genetics, and cell functions. Each topic covered spanned about two weeks long. We took an exam, forgot about what we learned, and then moved onto the next subject.

While these classes gave us a chance to explore the wide range of studies available to us, they lacked an in-depth understanding of why the lessons were meaningful and didn’t give us the ability to have long conversations about what we had learned.

It’s not until 3000-level subjects when we are able to completely unpack and learn deeply a certain aspect of an overarching subject. We take more time focusing on each lesson and usually have one big project that we work on the entire semester.

What does this have to do with deeper meaning?

Have you ever gone to a social gathering and realized you are engaging in surface level conversations with people?

These conversations sound like tape recordings “how are you?” “how’s work?” “what’s new?”

After a while, these conversations drain our energy. Why is that?

We crave connection and meaning!

Social gatherings honestly suck until you get into those unique conversations that you don’t engage with in your everyday life. They excite us and make us feel like we are really getting to know the person we are talking with.

These conversations usually occur once we get more comfortable and situated in an environment.

If you are like me, you want to give everyone attention at an event. You want to say hi to everyone, but sometimes engaging with just a few people allows for more memorable conversations plus once you have a really good conversation it makes it easier to engage in more.

Not only do I enjoy depth in social settings, but I find when I work on just one or two projects during the day, I feel much more satisfied. Focusing on finishing a book or an art project instead of doing small bits of everything is much more rewarding. Trying to pack too much in our day makes for a chaotic life.

So what I’m really trying to say is that engaging with more in-depth content is so much more interesting and fulfilling. When my day has at least one deep interaction or lesson, I feel peaceful and whole. When my days are full of lots of superficial content, I feel like something is missing. In some ways, this deeper meaning is achieved by simplicity. Less can be more.

What do you think?

I Asked 20 People What Their Life Philosophy Was. Here’s What They Said:

On a Sunday morning, I decided to ask everyone a pretty scary question, that if someone had asked me before this, I’m not sure I would’ve known what to say:

“What is your philosophy on life?”

I asked partly out of curiosity but mainly because I have so many amazing people in my life that I look up to and thought this was a perfect opportunity to learn from them.   

So, here it is. 20 Life Philosophies!

1

Work everyday. Then, there is no time to feel worried or have sorrow. Work and your job becomes your biggest supporter. I work everyday and I think that makes me happy. 

2

Have more than one source of happiness. Have many hobbies. Music, reading, entertainment- things you can lean on. Looking at it in an analytical way: not only does this thing make me happy, but does it contribute to my life? For example: playing guitar versus watching Netflix. Playing the guitar feels more rewarding because many things that feel rewarding require more work, but they are more worth it. 

Have low expectations. Don’t let life disappoint you. So if your car breaks down or your friend shows up late, it doesn’t matter.

Try to live more in the moment. Easier said than done but really just focusing on the now.

Connecting with others is a really good source of happiness. I call my friends on commutes. Listening to stories makes me feel connected.

Simplicity. The best sushi is just fish on rice. It’s about the quality.

I believe that happiness is not success related. In America, success is so rooted in happiness. Success is a biproduct of mindset.

Internal happiness through reflection. Journaling, meditation, walking.

Understanding the nature of human beings and how the world works is important too. Not everything is good. You can still do things to want to change the world for the better, but it is nothing you should distress over. You can understand why the world is the way it is, and try not to add to it (like pollution), but it’s human nature. You’re always going to meet mean people, but realize that’s how they were raised and it’s not inherently their fault. Doesn’t mean you should spend time with them but don’t judge them. 

3

I feel like my philosophy is kindness. So many people are so harsh with each other. Be good to the people around you. You never know what people are going through. We should all look out for each other. There’s so much hardship in the world like natural disasters and you never know who’s connected to what. Wealthier people have so many things they could do to better the world, but it usually ends up being the people who go through stuff who are the ones that give the most. For example, someone I was donating stuff to asked me if there were other people I could give to and handed me back some of the boxes I gave to them. 

4

Approach every situation and person with a clean slate. You don’t know what to expect. Everyone’s experience in life is different.

Find out who you are. It’s a long journey. It took me a few years to discover who I am, but I base my actions off of being a strong woman. 

5

Good Food=Good Life.

6

This one is something I have followed my whole adult life:
Always choose to work where there are people who will inspire you and that you know will make you a better person for knowing them. 
I’ve followed this rule since the day I left college and it has led to a career I have just loved and am incredibly grateful for. 

Another one I value is: Don’t be afraid to be the novice and to ask for help. It’s liberating to learn from others rather than compete with them to be right. 
And finally: When meeting new people, always ask them questions and show interest in them. People are typically flattered and will have a very good impression of you subconsciously as you made them feel so good. A bit sneaky but a good rule of thumb that gives you a simple and harmless advantage!

7

Do everything in life with joy and goodness from your heart. I think the most important thing to me is to do good and be happy while I live. I want to live with a lust for life, sprinkling positivity glitter everywhere I go and I want to be pure in my intentions- showing passion, compassion, and all of the kindness I can muster.

8

So, I know this sounds cliche, but my philosophy is “Live Your Best Life.” Essentially what this means to me is that you’re going to go through life doing what you think is best for you in the moment. What makes you happy at that point in time. Will it be best for you 50 years from now? Who knows. But, you’re always one decision away from a completely different life. So, live your best life. 

9

I would say everything should be guided by mutual respect, so acting in ways that respect yourself and make you feel empowered but also making sure that your actions are respectful of those around you and that you honor other people’s differences and life experiences. I think making big life decisions or even just every day interactions with people benefit from making sure it’s mutually respectful. 

10

For me, goals are important and achieving them are also very important to me. It brings me happiness in a way that’s different from going out or all of that. I feel like my hard work got me there. 

11

Never stop evolving even though you know you’re blessed. There is always room to be a better person and impact people’s lives in a positive way, no matter where you’re at in life!

12

Taking time to relax and recharge opens us up to more joy and meaning in life. 

13

I would say my philosophy on life would be to never give up. Never give up no matter how hard life and its situations might get. I say that because there is no blueprint to life and sometimes you may not know how to navigate and how to deal with situations but it all works itself out in the end as long as you keep trying

14

Life is an opportunity to create a story. Some people defy the laws of life and create great stories. I want to become one of the greatest story-tellers the world has ever seen. My dad always told me “you can only live to be 100 years, but your impact can live forever.”

15

I always try to go into situations with an open-mind and realizing that you are not always right. I know that everyone on this earth has a different mindset and approach towards how they want to live their lives. We each have different identities and cultures and we need to respect that about each other and not shut down other’s ideas right away. We need to make sure we hear them out and think radically about what they are saying.

I love the quote that goes, “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” —Stephen R. Covey. But I truly think if we approach situations like this with an intent to understand and work together to fix problems, the world would be a lot better off in the future. 

16

Don’t stress too much about things. Live in the moment. 

17

Don’t be afraid to be yourself because that’s the only way you can be truly happy. Don’t care about what other people think. Treat everyone as kindly as you can because you never know when you will need them. You may have to depend on them some day. Treat everyone equally. 

18

Work hard but never forget to have fun. Create fun memories! As I get older, I realize more and more how important it is to have fun. 

Let things go that don’t matter!  Don’t let things get to you, life goes so fast. Remember to have fun and make memories. Stay in touch with friends, go out, do things you don’t normally do. Remember, you are only as old as you feel!  

19

I’d say mine is to love unconditionally. It doesn’t mean that you let people walk all over you, like boundaries need to be in place for healthy relationships, but loving people as they are and where they are is extremely healing not just for them but for myself too. I want to pour into people so that they’re not alone! 

20

Don’t invest 5 minutes if you’re not willing to invest 5 years. And work hard in silence, and let your success be the noise.


HUGE Thank you to everyone who shared their philosophy and to everyone who is reading. I hope these resonated with you as much as they did with me. I also want to take this chance to say how lucky I am to be surrounded with people who have such positive and thoughtful philosophies. Happy Sunday!

XO,

YOUNGCOCO