The Importance of Intentional Interactions

mindfulness, Mindfulness, relationships

Have you ever thought about a conversation you had with someone and wished you could take back what you had said? Why did I say that? What’s wrong with me?!

Well, we’ve all been there and let’s face it- that regret can eat us alive. We want to be the best versions of ourselves and with that comes having healthy relationships with others.

Think back to a time when you had a great interaction with someone that left you feeling so good about yourself. Likely it was because you were present in the moment and feeling like you were genuinely connected to the other person.

So how can we have more of these energizing interactions? For me, these following tools have been helpful:

Always see yourself as a contributor: Just because you are not the focus of attention in an environment, that does not mean your energy doesn’t play a part in the collective space. What kind of messages are you giving others, verbally or non-verbally? How is it making others feel?

Question yourself before and after you enter a new space: How do I want to affect others? How will I achieve this? If you want to make others feel listened to, how will you make sure you are doing that? If you want to help others feel confident, what kinds of things are coming out of your mouth?

Pause before speaking: What is the purpose of me saying what I am about to say? Is it based from my own fears or a place of genuine love? How will this potentially be received by the person I am talking to and is it worth that outcome?

The more intentional we are with what we say and do, the less likely we are to regret saying things in the spur of the moment and the more our relationships thrive.

Do you have any techniques in place that help you be more intentional when you interact with others?

2 Lessons in Taoism

Mindfulness

What would we do with out suggested YouTube videos?

The other day I was on the elliptical searching for apartment inspiration on Youtube. On the suggested list under the video, there was one on the practice of Taoism. For whatever reason, I was intrigued and decided to watch.

The video went through the practice and common misconceptions of Taosim. After watching the 10 minute video, there were two seeds of wisdom from the video that stuck with me:

Many problems solve themselves

It’s almost comical to think of how many stages in our life we thought we would never survive and now they are just an afterthought.

Forget about the desired result and focus on the task at hand

How often do you fall into this? Instead of focusing on getting the dishes being done, enjoy the process of washing each one.

An Admirable Trait

Advice + Inspiration, mindfulness, Mindfulness, relationships, Uncategorized

It was presentation day, and our group was up next.

Nerves were setting in, and I turned to a classmate, “Well, here goes nothing. I’m so nervous.”

She looks at me. Pauses and then says, “You’re a great presenter- you’re talented, and you can do this.”

Her response made me reflect on how we react to others under stress.

How many times has someone come to you with an insecurity and you’ve responded by:

A. Being annoyed assuming that they were seeking attention

or

B. By saying something like “you’re fine, stop.”

(Both of which are completely not comforting)

Let’s face it. We all feel anxious and insecure at some point in our lives. All of us. Sometimes in these moments we really just need positive affirmations.

So I encourage you next time someone comes to you with an insecurity or fear not to respond with:

“Shut up you’re not ____”

“Whatever!”

“Stop”

Instead, try positive reinforcements. It can feel like extra effort, but it’s worth it. These are phrases that sound like:

“You are worthy, and you will get through this. I believe in you”

“You’re intelligent, and you will figure it out”

“Your *insert body insecurity* is perfect the way it is”

It will make a world of a difference in that person’s day. It did for me.

Thanks for reading.

XO,

Coco

How Are You?

Advice + Inspiration, mindfulness, Mindfulness, relationships

How are you? How many times a day do you hear it? That played out script when we greet each other. The most disingenuous question you’ve ever heard.

How are you?

I’m great, fine, alright thanks for asking.

I was chatting with my friend the other day, and our conversation stuck with me. At first, we were talking about life, travel and relationships. The usual catch-up conversation we have since we only talk once every couple of months.

In the middle of the conversation my friend paused to ask me:

How are you? How is Coco?

A question that I usually find to be superficial suddenly felt deep.

She was asking how I was as doing as a being. As a whole. Not situationally but truly how I felt.

We hung up the phone and I realized I had never been asked that question outside of the beginning of a conversation. When she asked it, I felt deeply cared for. She really wanted to know.

What if we asked how are you more? Not at the beginning of conversation but once we were deeper into a conversation? It makes it a much more meaningful question.

What are your thoughts?

How are you?

XO,

Coco

Falling in Love with an Idea

Advice + Inspiration, mindfulness, Mindfulness, relationships, Uncategorized

Have you ever fallen in love with the idea of something? My guess is that you probably have.

We fall in love with the idea of a person, a lifestyle, a career.

We want what we can’t have. Why? We are quick to assume that because we can’t achieve something, we aren’t worthy of having it. This means we fall in love with ideas because we believe they will make us feel worthy. So what do we do? We work to change ourselves in order to fit into someone who is. This can mean changing our values, working hard to please others, or doing things that we actually don’t like.

There’s nothing wrong with self-betterment. In fact, it’s great to have goals to work toward. However, it is important to realize why we have the goals we have. If we have them in order to receive external rewards, it might be a good idea to re-evaluate. The only outcomes and feelings we can control are our own.

Imagine that your goal is to get a job to impress others. You work tirelessly to become qualified for this position and once you receive it, you get the response you wanted- people are congratulating you and some are even calling you successful. What a feeling! A month later, this is no longer the topic of conversation, and you are left with a job that you don’t even like.

One of my good friends once told me, “I used to work so hard to prove myself to others until one day I realized that no one actually cares.” He’s right. When you think about it like this, you start making decisions for yourself. What actually makes YOU feel satisfied? If no one was watching you and you had nothing to prove, how would you behave? What makes you happy with out other people’s approval?

What about when it comes to relationships? A relationship ends, and we fantasize how great our partner was. We begin to tell ourselves that if we just improve this or that, that we might be worthy of their love. We focus on becoming better, but we do it for the wrong reasons. You do not have to prove yourself to this person. Take all the good that you see in this person, and start believing those things about yourself. You do not have to win anyone over.

Win yourself over.

Stop falling in love with ideas, fall in love with yourself.

Thanks for reading.

XO,

Coco