Why Do We Fear Rejection?

How many times has the fear of rejection stopped you from doing something?

Why? Rejection really sucks!

Sorry, you didn’t get the job. I think we should just be friends. I don’t like your outfit/project/etc.

Ouch!

Here’s the thing- every single human has experienced some form of rejection.

Who experiences the most rejection? The people who put themselves out there the most.

Being curious about the effects of rejection and recommendations for recovering from it, I did some scholarly research.. on wikihow. Sorry professors who are reading!!

The wikihow article talks about how typically rejection causes people to take less risks. People who get rejected and don’t know how to cope properly end up making choices that are very risk adverse. They don’t want to feel that horrible feeling of rejection again! It makes total sense.

Sadly, the things we want the most cause us to take the greatest risks, so while we feel like we are protecting ourselves by not taking any, we are just preventing ourselves from living out our best lives. The result? A life of settling. Uninspiring and boring.

Think of playing poker. The greater of a risk you take the greater the reward you can potentially receive. If you play small, you will only get a small return. The same with taking risks. The bigger the risk, the bigger the reward. You can’t win a race that you don’t enter. Yes it’s scary, but that’s why not everyone gets there.

The people who I’ve talked to who are the most successful against my standards have all experienced amounts of rejection that are greater than the average person. The difference? They continue to bounce back and don’t dwell on it too much. They keep focused on the goal. They have a different perspective on why they were rejected and continue to work hard for what they want. 

So while we can blame our rejection on not being good enough or on our flaws, this is actually the most counterproductive reaction we can have. 

Instead, we can look at rejection as a room for growth or realize that something wasn’t meant for us, but this doesn’t mean that we are any less worthy. It’s either not the right timing or not the right thing for us and that’s okay!

I want you to replace “I didn’t get ___ because I’m not smart enough” with “I did not get this because I didn’t have enough experience in ___ or knowledge in ___ so I will work hard on developing these skills.” This replaces hopeless feelings with actionable ones.

And sometimes something really is just not meant for us. In time, you will realize why. 

Please don’t let the fear of rejection stop you from chasing your dreams.

Here are some tips I found for coping with rejection:

  1. Talk to someone
  2. Be active- go for a walk, go to the gym, or clean
  3. Think about your successes
  4. Write it out
  5. Pamper yourself
  6. Take some time to recover (it’s normal to be sad)
  7. Don’t take it personally!
  8. Remember it’s not all about you (there are other factors as to why something didn’t work out)
  9. Be grateful
  10. Find the good in the situation

Thanks for reading. I hope this piece was helpful for anyone dealing with rejection.

XO,

YOUNGCOCO


Life Without Headphones

Before I leave the house, I always make sure I have my… headphones. 

Was there a time when I didn’t do this? Not one that I remember.

Walking around a college campus, I notice I am not the only one. We walk around with cords connecting our ears to our pockets and our eyes glued to our phones. 

What happens in the rare case that I don’t have my headphones?

I experience a different world.

I meet an amazing woman from Jordan who suggests I try the local Middle-Eastern store. 

I make a lifelong friend at the airport who has traveled the world to help  children who come from broken families.

I meet two friends who have the same fascination with interior design as I do and we chat during the entire commute.

I meet a woman in her 50s, who also forgot her headphones, and we talk about life, relationships, and spirituality. I feel like we have met in another life. 

I notice the conversations and love that surrounds me. 

I make deeper connections. 

Life has more meaning. 

The Secret to Getting Out of a Rut

Start.

I’m kidding, but kind of not..

Do you ever skip a day at the gym which then turns into a week of skipping and then the next think you know you haven’t gone for two months? Yeah, that.

Why is it that it is so easy for a cheat day to snowball into a cheat year? Or for a day of being a couch potato to turn into a couch potato lifestyle?

I am going to admit- this has been me for the past week. Before that, I was on my grind for like a month! I was meal prepping, doing workouts at home AND at the gym, I was waking up early, and was almost never on social media. Living my best life.

So, what changed that? A change in routine. I love and hate routines at the same time. Routine holds me accountable, but it can get boring.

What was the result of a change in routine? A change in priorities and endless excuses as to why I wasn’t being as productive as I could be.

Can you relate? Keep reading,

So today was my first day back at the gym. What steps did I take to get out of the rut I’ve been in for weeks?

The first: Reflecting.

How good did I feel when I was going to the gym nearly every day? How lazy did I feel when I slowly stopped? Which of the two feelings do I prefer? What’s more worth it for me and what aligns most with my long term goals?

The second: Realizing the excuses I was making took more energy than the things I was making excuses for.

It takes so much energy to come up with excuses for yourself. The common excuse for me has been “I don’t have time” REALLLLLY? So, I had time to watch netflix and go out and scroll through every single social media platform but not workout for even 30 minutes? yeahhhh ok.

The third: Really and truly just showing up.

Instead of thinking too much about how hard the task will be, just begin. Create the word document, write out the list of ideas, make a to-do list, just show up at the gym. Don’t think about the details too much- START! I read this quote earlier this week and it said “worrying about something before it even happens is basically putting yourself through the pain of the event twice”. So very true.

So today, when I went to the gym, I brought my iPad and responded to emails while on the elliptical. Since I hadn’t been to the gym in weeks, I thought I would take it easy, but ended up running for 45 minutes! It felt so good.

I promise once you take the first steps in getting back into a routine you’ll truly wonder why you ever stopped.

The hardest part is just to start and it’s all in your head. Stop the excuses and do it.

You know you will feel so much better accomplishing what you’ve been putting off than continuing to make excuses.

Does anyone else have any tricks they use to get out of a rut? I would love to hear!

Thanks for reading 🙂

 

 

Don’t Give Up

 

I know it’s hard

but don’t give up.

Some days taste like success-

others feel like pure failure

don’t give up.

you’ve climbed halfway up the mountain

but you’ve slipped down a couple of rocks

don’t give up.

Don’t throw away the table because it is dirty,

clean it.

Take care of your dreams,

they’re fragile-

don’t give up.

Look down,

you’ve come so far,

would you give away a year of growth

because of a few days of failure.

I hope not.

Get up.

Be proud of who you are

and what you will accomplish tomorrow.

You were made to do great things.

 

 

 

3 Ways to Have a Happier And More Productive Day

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Ever have one of those days? The kind where you just can’t seem to focus. Every task throughout your day feels like a chore and every conversation just feels boring and drawn out.

I definitely have. In fact, I felt like that this morning. I sat in class and slouched in my seat. Can this day be over yet? I began to watch the clock.

Why did I feel like this today?

I thought back to the days when I felt all the energy and was excited about being productive.

What did I do differently?

It hit me.

The days when I’m happiest and most productive are usually the days when I do these three things:

8 Easy Ways to Make Someone Else’s Day

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Greet them excitedly when they enter a room

There’s no better feeling than being warmly greeted when you enter a new space. Acknowledge someone else’s presence!

Ask them how they are and dig deeper

“How are you?” “I’m okay, how are you?”  Ask why they are just okay! “What’s going on in your life?” It feels good to know someone cares.

Just smile

It’s funny the power that a smile can have. I can say that my days have been turned around simply by having a stranger smile at me. BE THAT STRANGER.

Notice and remember the small things

People feel good when they feel noticed. Point out small things and they’ll be surprised you actually pay attention to them. Make sure they are positive things though lol.

Show endless gratitude

No matter how small of a favor someone did for you, you need to remember that no one owes you anything. So appreciate the fact that someone went out of their way to do something for you. It will make them happy that they did.

Check-in

Send random texts to see how your loved ones are. You never know how their day is going and it can make the difference. It doesn’t have to be serious- send them a funny meme or cute gif. Its nice to know someone is thinking of you.

Listen

Get off your phone, be present. What is this person communicating to you and why? How are they feeling in this moment? What can you do to show that you are really truly listening? Do it. We all want to be heard.

Be encouraging!

Be the voice of excitement and positivity in their day. Support their wild dreams, let them know they can get through their battles. Believe in them.

 

It is crazy how little effort on your end can make a huge difference on someone else’s day.  Not only does it make them feel good, but it can impact your day for the better as well. 

Why You Need to Do More Story-Telling

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Okay funny story- are you ready?

I used to work at an elementary school- and boy if you don’t know what roasting is you will learn a thing or two while working there- okay that’s besides the point.

So, do you remember being in elementary school and always trying to act cooler or more mature than you were? Yes you do- don’t lie.

Anyways, in the classroom we had a book shelf filled with books that I never once saw a kid touch. Very sad, I know. One day, I decided to pull out a few of my childhood favorites and read them out loud. I just sat at a table by myself and began. No fair -warning- nothing.

At first, the kids were all snickering. “Why is ms. Coco just reading out loud randomly?” They started making jokes about the books, but then something funny happened.

Within five minutes of me reading, half of the classroom was sitting by me. They began to truly listen. No jokes- just engaged fourth and fifth graders. While the other half wasn’t gathered around, they were still listening as well and would occasionally run over to look at some pages as I told the stories.

Funny right? I think so at least. It’s because we all love a good story.

What teachers did you like the best? The ones that made connections through story-telling or the ones who just read off the bullet points and left you wondering “what’s the point”? I think it’s a pretty easy question to answer, right?

Story-telling draws people in! That’s why we love movies, hearing other people’s experiences, etc. It connects us to one another.

They also help us remember things better. I am much more likely to remember new information if it’s told in story form versus just having to memorize words and definitions.

Tell more stories! It makes people want to listen more and it makes it easier to connect with others.

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk LOL.

And as always, thanks for reading!

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